Reflecting on my marriage, I can't help but question when things started to lose their spark. It was a gradual shift, and surprisingly, it began fairly soon after we got married.

We share a house and manage our finances together, acting more like cohabitants and co-managers than anything else. The days when we were romantically involved are far behind us, practically a distant memory. For years, we've had separate bedrooms. Honestly, I don't have those feelings for him anymore; he feels more like a casual friend.

He’s actually a good person, definitely not bad. Despite our significant differences, we usually manage to collaborate effectively.

The closeness we once had feels like a vague memory now. We've grown apart and there's too much history between us to fix things. Essentially, the harm has already been done.

What Went Wrong?

It's simple to pinpoint when things began to deteriorate. To start with, we're both poor at communicating. As I mentioned, we encountered issues right from the beginning that we never resolved.

I'm working on improving, but he tends to shut down since he's an avoider. Still, when my monster-in-law was around, she stirred up problems, and my husband didn't defend me.

He claimed he felt torn between two sides. Being a people-pleaser myself—and he still is one, which absolutely frustrates me—I didn't tell my mom to step back when I should have. Both of them got involved where they shouldn't have. That's where I made a mistake as well.

Also, let’s be honest. Parenting a child with special needs can either strengthen or strain a marriage. I was taking on most of the responsibilities for my son’s care, and it led to growing resentment towards my husband.

I get that he was the main earner in our household, but he leaned on me too heavily when he could have helped out more. Sadly, this led to lasting harm.

For years, I really despised him. Nowadays, my feelings have changed, especially since he's made some efforts to make amends. My attitude began to shift after my son moved out.

Don’t get me wrong. I am far from perfect. I acknowledge that I've done things that have hurt my husband and I take full responsibility for that. The point is that we both failed at this marriage.

Whenever I talk to people about the situation with my marriage, they always respond with, "You only live once, so why are you still together?"

Why Am I Continuing to Live in a Roommate Marriage?

There have been numerous occasions when I wanted to leave, but I've ended up staying. For one, he won't make it easy because he has significant abandonment issues, which likely stem from his history with his overbearing mother who, in hindsight, was a typical narcissist.

I have made threats before, causing him to turn pale, tremble violently, drop to his knees, and plead with tears in his eyes, "Don’t ever leave me."

It's pretty unsettling, but the reality is that I, too, am someone who enjoys comfort and practicality. I guess I can thank my Taurus Moon for that.

Living in Canada as a single person has become unmanageable (Thanks, Trudeau). My earnings are unpredictable.

I prefer being in a roommate-style marriage with my husband, where he respects my personal space and privacy, and we generally get along as long as we avoid conflicts. This arrangement is far better than ending up in a shelter, which is what would happen if we separated.

I cherish my comfort deeply and place a high importance on it. Additionally, my daughter is my main concern, and if we go our separate ways, neither of us will be able to provide her with financial support when she needs it in the future.

If the marriage were abusive and disrespectful, the situation would be different. I would have no other choice. But thankfully, that's not what we're dealing with.

Here is the question: How can I remain content in a marriage of convenience without being unhappy? Given that the relationship isn't abusive and my husband respects my need for space and privacy, I try to make the best of the situation.

I Focus on the Things I Enjoy

If my husband constantly pleaded for my company, it would become an issue. Fortunately, he's perfectly happy watching his shows alone with the dog.

In the meantime, I can dedicate my energy to activities I love, like my tarot, writing on Medium, and exploring other creative interests. By doing this, I can experience a sense of fulfillment and avoid dwelling on the stagnation in my marriage, which would only bring me down.

When I'm off work, I have the freedom to go anywhere I want. Whether I choose to stroll by myself or just relax in my room watching videos while he handles his activities, it's up to me. When I concentrate on these moments, life doesn't seem too bad.

I Am Busy With Networking

I'm not really a fan of "peopling," but I recognize the importance of local networking for expanding my business and forming new connections. So, whenever there's an event, I make sure to attend if I can. Concentrating on networking serves as a nice diversion from the monotony and dissatisfaction that comes with being in a roommate marriage.

Despite having been let down by friends in the past, I still see the value in bonding with people who share similar interests. I don’t necessarily aim to forge deep friendships with everyone I meet. Nonetheless, I take pleasure in forming new connections with fascinating individuals who have commonalities with me.

I Prioritize Self-Care

Given that I am in a roommate marriage and am working through years of trauma while dealing with depression, it's crucial that I prioritize my self-care. In fact, my first two tips for surviving a roommate marriage are actually about taking care of yourself.

Self-care means engaging in activities I love and connecting with people who are interested in building relationships with me.

So, instead of doing what I "want" to do, I am focusing on what I "need" to do. By fulfilling these necessary tasks for my mental health, I also see improvements in my physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being.

Absolutely, Ozempic changed my perspective on food for the better. I no longer rely on it to cope with my emotions.

However, if I found myself overwhelmed with impossible-to-handle burdens, it would be a catastrophe. In such a situation, I might resort to emotional eating even while taking Ozempic, which would be disastrous for my health. Moreover, practicing self-care is essential for managing my depression.

I’m certain my perspective would change if I were in love with another person.

Here's the situation. I've spent much of my life constantly accommodating others, so I'm not looking to get into a relationship right now; I need to focus on myself.

On top of that, I'm approaching menopause. As a result, the thought of entering a romantic relationship just doesn’t appeal to me.

But, if I did form a deep connection with someone and fell in love, that would be an issue. I would express it differently because, after all, you can't control your emotions.

Fortunately, that hasn't been a problem, and I don't expect it to become one. I still have much work left in understanding myself. I'm making progress, but given how long I've felt lost, it will take more time to truly discover who I am. Because of this, I am sure I won't be falling in love with anyone.

I created this post as part of my tarot writing prompt schedule. Since I focus on the lifestyle/self-care niche, today's inspiration came from the Four of Cups.

The Four of Cups signifies feelings of apathy, boredom, and dissatisfaction. However, it also symbolizes introspection and the quest for emotional fulfillment.

As a result, discussing my roommate marriage and how I'm discovering a sense of purpose in life despite being in one seemed like the ideal subject for this prompt.

Although a roommate marriage may lack passion, if your partner isn't hindering your journey of self-discovery, you should proceed with it.

If you're trapped in a marriage where you lack freedom and face abuse, staying isn't an option. On the other hand, if that's not the situation, particularly if leaving would put you in severe financial trouble, it's better to focus on activities you love and prioritize self-care while maintaining your overall comfort.

However, if you find yourself in a roommate marriage and, after carefully weighing the advantages and disadvantages, believe that parting ways is the better option, then you should follow through with that decision. It's essential to always do what's best for your well-being.

That's not the situation for me at the moment, so I'm not taking any action. But who knows what the future holds. Things might change in the coming years.