How do you simply know what you want?
If you find yourself often struggling to make decisions, this question might be worth a million dollars.
Today, you're unsure of what to wear. You can't decide what to study. You're stuck on which gift to buy. You don't know how to begin a text message. Ugh! Life involves so much decision-making.
Don’t worry: There’s no need for you to choose right now.
Instead, you keep searching for it, no matter how many years it might take.
There are two ways to do that:
- Sure, I can help with that! Could you please provide me the text you want rewritten?
- Allow others to make decisions on your behalf.
Trust me, it works like a charm.
Should I begin this project? Should I spend my weekend out? Should I pick the pizza or the pasta menu?
Now you're pondering deeply, as you've realized that you must always choose wisely.
Take note of all the "should" questions present. This is because those who are indecisive often have strong moral principles. Beneath their wavering exterior (their go-to phrase being: “I don’t know!!!”), there's actually something deeper happening:.
They’re comparing Good to Bad. Appropriate to Inappropriate. The intelligent and kind thing to do to The stupid and mean thing to do.
And that’s not a bad thing. Luckily, you think about how your choices impact others. Occasionally, you even think about yourself: Your wellbeing, your joy, your aspirations... you name it. Overthinking reveals that you really care about doing good.
But what “good” truly means remains a mystery. The good choice doesn’t announce itself. It won’t lean in and say, “Hey, pick me! I’m right here!!!” This only adds to the challenge.
Now you’re employing critical thinking. It’s no longer about simply choosing between option A or B. It’s not just about personal preference. It's about investigating, analyzing, and debating which choice is objectively the right one, and which is the wrong one.
Some label it as wisdom. Others might see it as procrastination.
Well, if you're indecisive, you end up waiting longer. You keep hoping that perhaps tomorrow, next week, or next year, you'll wake up to find the perfect solution right in front of you.
I wish it was that simple.
In a perfect scenario, I could view various versions of myself on a screen. This would allow me to make better decisions and choose the correct direction. I'd confidently say, "Alright, I’m absolutely certain this is the path I want to take. And if I change my mind, I can just get a refund."
I suppose life works in reverse: You experience the future first, and only then can you determine if you're happy with your choice.
That’s risky, though.
So, instead, you find yourself doing mental gymnastics. You balance the pros and cons, attempting to hypothesize what's beneficial and what's detrimental. By the time you eventually make a decision, your head is throbbing from all the overthinking.
Oh well. I suppose this method isn't entirely effective.
But don't worry; there’s still another one left.
Imagine you’re spending time with someone you know, and you need to pick a place to eat. Oof..
You both respond with: Whatever you want.
And now you’re both stuck.
Maybe you aren't too picky about where to dine. However, there might be an underlying fear at play: If good choices are out there, it's entirely possible that you could recommend a bad option, leading to a significant error.
You’d feel bad if you made the wrong choice, whatever "wrong" might mean in this context. Everyone wants to avoid being incorrect. No one wants to experience what I refer to as PR, or Potential Regret.
Because ultimately, making a decision involves facing those pesky "what ifs" and "should haves". The aggravation. The feeling of letting yourself down. The endless thinking about what might have happened.
Even when it's simply choosing a restaurant, it can really affect the direction of your friend's day. And here's the kicker: you're the one in charge of selecting, which means you're also choosing a potential regret. For every place you pick, there's another you leave behind, and that's where the possibility of regret comes in.
So now you’re lobbing PR grenades at each other.
Somehow, it feels like making our own decisions is bad. Because choosing means you're making a declaration. It’s acknowledging that you have your own likes and dislikes. And if you're someone who aims to please others, you don’t want your preferences to conflict with theirs.
So rather than desiring something yourself, you rely on others — your partner, your friends, your parents, your teachers, your social media followers — to do the wanting on your behalf.
Since whatever the other person desires must be the good choice...
The issue arises when you've launched the PR blitz so many times, and since no one has made a decision, you never reach a conclusion (unless you resort to rolling dice or playing rock paper scissors or something like that).
Oh well. I suppose technique #2 isn't foolproof either..
This means we have to turn to our final option...
Suppose you’ve had it. You've reached your limit. You no longer want to make decisions, because every choice you make seems to bring you pain.
Even a straightforward question such as, “Do you want to go out tonight?” considers what the other individual desires, not what you want. Interestingly, the answer doesn't lie within you; it always resides in the minds of others.
Now, you’re through with playing detective. No more making assumptions. You’re exhausted from trying to figure out how the other person wants you to respond.
So you just call them.
And with a melodramatic voice, you implore:
*hangs off phone*
Now you’re all alone.
So, you choose to head over to the closest supermarket and stroll down the aisle...
Then you opt to purchase a package of cookies..
And then you make up your mind to have a cookie.
And as you bite into the cookie, you suddenly think: “Hold on, did I just make a choice?! But it felt so natural, I didn’t even have to ponder it. I didn’t need to consult anyone either.”
You didn't organize it, you simply experienced it.
And that’s the skill of avoiding a decision.
