The Negative Impact of Striving for Perfection on Your Well-being

9 min read
May 18, 2024
Photo by Francesco Ungaro on Unsplash

It's 2:19 in the morning, and you just glanced at the clock.

“Dammit, not again” you whisper

“Dammit, not again” you whisper

After finishing your dinner promptly, you managed to push through 10 pages of reading despite your drooping eyelids, just to cross off tasks from your daily to-do list. Feeling you deserved a break after staying focused for 30 minutes, you grabbed your phone for a quick scroll. Next thing you know, it's already past 2 am. You've fallen into the same pattern once more.

I'm not saying that to-do lists are useless or that you shouldn't establish routines. This is more of a heads-up to let you know that these strategies, techniques, and those "5 ways to be more productive" articles won't make a difference unless you're genuinely committed.

The pattern of growing up

Everyone yearns for personal growth, but only a few have the determination to pursue it. While people enjoy their routines, they cherish comfort even more. As a student, you aim for high grades without sacrificing your social life. You seek to hang out, sip coffee with friends, attend concerts, and fully embrace your teenage years. For professionals, the steady paychecks can lead to complacency. Your daily routine involves waking up, working, tackling tasks, and by the end of the day, you're too drained to engage in anything else. Passions like writing, gaming, and crafting end up stored away, collecting dust.

You see, there’s a clear pattern here. You create a sense of comfort in the life you’ve constructed. So why would you risk disrupting that and making yourself unhappy? Why opt for healthier eating, why hit the gym, why start a blog, or launch that business you’ve always dreamed of?

If you're too comfortable, there's no place for growth.

Where there’s coziness, opportunities for growth are absent.

The fallacy of advice

While some prefer to live comfortably, individuals like you crave change. You aspire to improve your health and boost your income. You stand out because you’re willing to sacrifice present comfort to achieve a better life five years down the road.

But what is the source of your sadness? Let's delve into it...

You search the web and discover the top self-improvement articles.

  • 10 ways to stand out and excel 1. **Continuous Learning**: Always strive to acquire new knowledge and skills. This will not only keep you ahead of the curve but also make you more adaptable to change. 2. **Stay Committed**: Dedication and persistence are key. Show up consistently and give your best effort, even when it’s tough. 3. **Be Positive**: A positive attitude can set you apart. It influences your own motivation and can have a significant impact on the people around you. 4. **Build Strong Relationships**: Network and maintain good relationships. Strong connections can provide support, opportunities, and valuable feedback. 5. **Practice Discipline**: Develop good habits and follow through with your commitments. Discipline can drive you to achieve your long-term goals. 6. **Be Resilient**: Embrace failures as learning opportunities. Resilience helps you bounce back stronger and keeps you moving forward. 7. **Effective Communication**: Hone your communication skills. Being able to articulate your ideas clearly and listen to others is invaluable. 8. **Leadership Skills**: Whether or not you’re in a formal leadership role, exhibiting leadership qualities like decision-making, responsibility, and initiative can make you a standout. 9. **Give and Receive Feedback**: Constructive feedback is crucial. Be open to receiving it and gracious in giving it, always aiming for mutual growth. 10. **Innovate and Create**: Encourage your creativity. Think outside the box and don’t be afraid to bring new ideas to the table, as innovation can set you apart from the rest.
  • Embrace stoicism and you'll find yourself anew.
  • Sure! Here's a rephrased version of your text: 5 strategies to boost your productivity and accomplish tasks efficiently. Maintain the same mood and tone as the original text, without altering the phrases or HTML tags. --- продуктивности и эффективно выполнять задачи. Поддерживайте тот же настрой и тон, что и в оригинальном тексте, не изменяя фразы или HTML-теги.

I often craft similar articles, and typically, they turn out well for me. However, what proves effective in my experience may not necessarily work for you.

It doesn't make sense to teach a monkey to fly or a bird to bark. Often, this advice guides you to figure out what suits you best. Instead of creating your own path, you stick to other people's rules, and when things don't work out, you end up feeling disappointed.

For instance, the Pomodoro technique is effective for me, but not in the conventional way. Typically, you're supposed to work for 30 minutes and then rest for 5. I couldn't stand this routine. Just as I would hit my stride, the timer would go off, signaling me to take a break.

It took me a while to understand that the Pomodoro Technique shouldn't be interpreted too rigidly. It's not strictly about working for 30 minutes and then taking a 5-minute break. The real guideline is to take a break whenever you feel stuck. So, instead of relying on a timer, I allow myself to dive into work mode and stay focused for 1-2 hours, taking a break only when I feel the need. This approach ended up being more effective for me.

Quit following their instructions.

We’re constantly bombarded with advice on how to live our best lives. Despite your sincere attempts to heed their wise counsel, you frequently end up feeling like you’ve failed. Why? Because we’re not actually putting in the genuine effort.

Ask yourself, are you reading that book because you genuinely enjoy it, or simply because it’s on your list? Are you working because you love what you do, or just because it’s on your list of tasks? Are you avoiding meeting friends because you truly don't want to, or because your list insists on staying stoic?

Improving yourself doesn't require altering everything that defines who you are!

Improving yourself doesn't require you to alter every aspect of your identity!

It's akin to attempting to master French by endlessly watching Netflix rather than actually using the language.

As the Stoic philosopher Epictetus reminds us, “First say to yourself what you would be, and then do what you have to do.” Instead of getting hung up on endless to-do lists, concentrate on what you genuinely want to achieve. What kind of person do you aspire to be? What values do you wish to embody? By aligning your actions with your core values and priorities, you can develop a sense of purpose and fulfilment that goes beyond the superficiality of mere tasks.

The Myth of “Getting Better”

“Get better,” they tell us. But what does that really mean? And who decides what “better” actually looks like? Is it about working longer hours? Is it about eating more nutritious foods? Is it about sticking to a rigid schedule that even plans out our breathing time?

The truth is, the journey of self-improvement is most rewarding when fueled by your inner drive rather than by the pressures of outside expectations. It's about charting your own course, whether that path resembles that of a nomad, a stoic, or a blend of both. What constitutes "better" differs from one individual to another. So, don’t adopt strategies that don't resonate with your personal goals.

“The obstacle is the path.” Welcome the challenges, setbacks, and unexpected turns on your self-improvement journey. Every hurdle is a chance to grow, a moment to learn, adapt, and advance. By accepting the chaotic and unpredictable aspects of life, you can build resilience, strength, and wisdom that go beyond simple ideas of "improvement."

Finding Balance

In the quest for self-improvement, it's important to remember to embrace who you are. Many individuals get caught in the cycle of setting unattainable goals for themselves — and when these goals are not achieved, they end up being hard on themselves.

Even from a scientific perspective, it requires the mind a minimum of 18 days to form a habit and adapt to a new routine. So, how can you expect your body to achieve that in just 2 days?

Improving yourself isn't so much about the specific methods you use, but rather the attitude you adopt.

  • If you accomplish something today — wonderful. Give yourself some credit.
  • If all you managed to do was get up and handle a few basic tasks — fantastic. Give yourself some credit.

Don’t see yourself as a machine that must ‘earn’ validation.

It’s all about balance. Sure, aim for improvement, but also make peace with who you are right now. Embrace your quirks, your flaws, and the wonderfully messy parts of being human.

It's perfectly normal to experience some days where you feel incredibly productive and others where you'd rather just relax in your pyjamas and watch your favorite shows. Life is all about striking a delicate balance between pushing yourself and embracing where you are. Discovering this harmony is essential for genuine satisfaction.

Certainly! Here’s some guidance that supported me along my path:.

  1. Set Intentions, Not Goals: Rather than becoming obsessed with achieving particular results, concentrate on establishing intentions for the way you wish to present yourself in life. Intentions are adaptable, flexible, and aligned with your core values, making them much more sustainable than strict goals.

No, establishing intentions doesn’t imply that you’re weak-minded. It signifies that you’re prepared to allow yourself the space to develop new, lasting habits rather than forcing your body through a severe regimen.

2. Practice Self-Compassion, not self-forgiveness: Treat yourself with kindness, particularly when you don't meet your own standards.

This is challenging because, if not executed properly, individuals might confuse it with cheat days. Compassion doesn't imply that you'll pardon yourself every time. Think about it — if someone mistreats you and apologizes repeatedly, you would eventually grow weary of the endless cycle. Avoid becoming that toxic individual.

Showing compassion doesn't necessarily mean being forgiving. Achieving progress demands a determined mindset, which means you can't keep neglecting essential tasks and considering them as routine.

3. Cultivate Curiosity: Embrace life with a sense of wonder, diving into the unknown and discovering new opportunities. Continuously ask questions, pursue knowledge, and remain open to change. The most intelligent individuals I've encountered were never aware they were the smartest in the room.

One should always strive to gain more knowledge. The moment you believe you’ve mastered a subject is the moment you fall behind. Develop a routine of reading, listening to podcasts, or watching informative videos. You never know when you'll come across something that changes your life.

4. Celebrate Your Quirks: Your quirks are an essential part of who you are, so embrace them wholeheartedly. Love your oddities, your uniqueness, and your peculiar traits — they distinguish you from everyone else. Recognize your individuality and take note of the things that make you proud.

On those days when you're not feeling your best, revisit this record. It will remind you of your progress and help you appreciate how far you've come on your journey.

5. Connect with Your Why: As you start your path towards self-improvement, it's crucial to stay connected to your why. What motivates you to progress and transform? Keep that reason at the forefront as your guiding beacon.

This means the world to me. I’ve jotted down my ‘why’ on a post-it note and placed it right on my work desk. Each time I sit down, that ‘why’ is the first thing I see, and it really energizes me. Always remember your initial motivation and continue striving toward that goal.

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